Monday, 26 January 2009

Thinking Men "Use" Women For Sex

There are many people who believe that men habitually "use" women for sex. It's a common belief held by some (not just women) that sexual intercourse is in essence taking something from a woman if not done in a way that's considered "right".

And apparently, what's considered "wrong" is not related to sex itself, but in the feelings that arise afterwards, because of "expectations" that were not met along the way.

"I enjoyed the sex but I didn't get a relationship out of it sooo.... (I guess that means) I was used!"

And if, as a guy, you don't want a relationship (but want sex) that means you just want to use women.

Some women think that men only view women in one of two ways: relationship material or "fuck and dump" material. Yes, it can feel very empowering for some women to view things through this black and white filter.

Typically, people who see things this way are unable to enjoy sex by itself. It has to be a stepping-stone, prerequisite, or bargaining chip for something else.

Otherwise it's the same thing as picking up a rag, cleaning something off with it, and discarding it.

Now, given that some guys really don't want a relationship, but want to get laid, they are prepared to lie to women in order to get what they want. The problem with this is that afterwards they quickly get bored (or they realize the games aren't worth it), and move on. Result: she feels used.

Given that the typical societal expectations for having sex are so abnormal and difficult to live up to, the end result will always be women who feel used.

However, intelligence is key.

One must screen for intelligence in sexual matters. And the easiest way to do this and waste no time dealing with dummies, is to tell people upfront that you only want to be friends with benefits, with no strings attached. This will automatically disqualify 99% of all the dumb people who have sexual hang-ups.

The reason this works so well is because only someone who has gone though the process of questioning the status quo will realize that FWB can be a great thing. And even if you actually prefer a relationship it's much more healthy to develop one with a FWB than with a sexually repressed dumb person who would make you go through a bunch of hoops and bullshit exercises.


Tight Banana said...

I have had several FWB with men over the years and they've always been great. And it doesn't have to be just sex, either. Benefits can include a sharing of intelligent conversation. Great sex, great conversation. But some girlfriends of mine have a tough time grasping this. They don't understand how I can do this without feeling jealous, possessive, etc. Truth be told, those feelings do arise, but I keep them in check. And that's a good thing. After all, if all there is to a real relationship is all that extra drama and bullshit, then what's the value of commitment?

Vittorio said...

I've also had FWB with different women over the years. These are the best most fun women to be with. There's some serious irony there, that the best people to develop something serious with are the ones who don't have that mindset right off the bat.

Tight Banana said...

dude update this blog already

Anonymous said...

I knew you had to be a man for writing something like this...

It's an undenying truth that men do use women for sex... Then only deny it so then don't look like the bad guys, which they are..

The truth is men and women think differently: women want love, companionship, intimacy and good conversations... and men only think of women as a body then want to fuck.. you still think women are inferior to you and they are only good for sex..

you men talk about serious relationships like it's the worst nightmare a guy could ever go through.. and it is.. none of you want to love women, you just want to fuck and use them temporarily and then discard them like trash..

If you men could just admit it then we women would not be so dumb to still believe in love and waste our lives looking for something that doesnt't exist...

You sexist pig.

Vittorio said...

^^^ get off your moral pedestal. People have sex for fun just like they have sex because they are in a loving relationship.

You have said absolutely nothing original that hasn't already been repeated by like-minded sheep everywhere.

It's funny how "offended" some people are by casual sex and yet they have no qualms about acting fake on dates, or manipulating people into arrangements like relationships and even marriage.

You know that when you only see things as black and white you become very hard to live with and impossible to reason with. Your all or nothing mentality is pathetic.

Maybe it would suprise you that men and women are not so different when it comes down to what they really want. And if it weren't for the social stigma you would get a lot more women openly expressing their sexual desires. I would even say that relationships in general would become healthier because no one would be forced to do anything they don't like.

You come across as wounded and hurt and appear to have a lot of baggage. Maybe you should go cool off somewhere. It's still winter, so why not try the lake.

Anonymous said...

You are a sad, strange little man.

John said...

^^^ Spoken like a woman who has no argument, and no leg to stand on.